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March 3, 2000

By SPENCER BAIRD

Inevitably the conversation turns to it. "Yeah, I'd probably . . .", or "Not even with our . . ." , or "Just depends on how many drinks I'd . . .", or maybe even ". . . I'm not into girls!" And then you try to talk each other into why you should do it. Despite the fact that you'll ever even get an attempt. And even though you're thinking 'tonsil hockey,' she's almost certainly thinking field hockey. Slight problem? Nah . . . there's nothing else to talk about. "C'mon man, you mean to tell me that even if . . .", or ". . . you're so full of it bro, if I didn't have anything better to", or maybe even "You're right dude, she's pretty from afar but far from pretty!"

And then there's the silent pause. And then there's more silent pause. Funny how the fat guy (we all know him: the one who thinks he's amazingly strong but really feels inferior because he has a chest bigger than the female in question) is the one to suggest . . .

"What if . . . what if she were to drop a couple hundred pounds or something?"
"Oh, Well, that's a different story!"
"No way man. No way."
"But c'mon. You mean to tell me that if she were to drop . . ."
"That ain't happenin' so don't even bother speculatin'."
True. And there's the silent pause. And there's more silent pause. And then all of you magically finish your dinner at the same time and you all manage to rise in accordance. Every one of you grow gigantic lats while making sure your lids on backward and your sleeves are fitted as tight as they can go around your arms and that both straps of your backpack are hooked up to your shoulders and that the booger you were secretly working on isn't peeking out.

"You ready to roll?"
"Yup."
No one talks on the way out of there either. It's just you, in front of the whole world, with an empty plate(s), looking as cool as you can and as tough as you can, while doing all that you can in case you happen to see that freshman who looks like Brenda Walsh . . . while you are drinking a few over in North this weekend. "Oh you're the one that I saw in the cafe, the other day, babe," she will say, "you looked so good strutting through the room with your arms so big and your gait so intriguing. You soooooo bad!"
"Yeah! That's what she'll say!"
And then you wake up. Nice thought Goldberg . . . too bad she's a commuter and dates a squid. Anyway, you head back to your room with the same crew. "Man, practice was a joke today . . ."
"Yeah, I can't believe coach had us do that with only our jockeys on!"

True. Back at your pad with no ladies around. "Who's got the clicker?"
"Put it on 41 . . . they're supposed to answer the bikini question today at 1:30 p.m."
"Oh, man."

You laugh, but are tickled because somehow, even though you are in your own room, you wind up without a chair and sitting on the floor. Oh well. Don't think about that now . . . concentrate on the television and think about a way to get a rise out of the group. Be funny kid. Be funny.

"If I were to ever meet her."
"You don't understand. Unnnngh. Bling bling! She's hot as $#!+ dude." And everyone puts in their two cents.

"Mmmm."
"Yeeeaaah."
"No doubt."
"Look at that . . ."

Commercial "Who wants a beer?" Hands go up. Silence. And then . . . then there's the one guy you worry about. The guy who says the unthinkable. Gulp. "Put it on 12 guys!" Gulp. You and your 'boyz' all exchange looks with one another. Then . . . "You've got to be kidding man. What about the bikini . . ." And if he happens to leave. "What's up with that guy?"

(In unison) "GAY!" He must be. Doesn't wear his hat backwards. Doesn't cuss. Doesn't dip. Doesn't have wood shavings underneath his posts! Wants to watch sports? Alright. I guess we'll accept sports under the masculinity clause that was adopted among college males way back when. After all, he's a good guy. "You heard him, let's just flip it to 12 for a second just to appease the stupid . . ."

And there's a silent pause. And there's . . . "look at Linda Cohn (SportsCenter anchor) . . ."
"I don't know man."
"You mean to tell me . . ."
"Look at those . . ." Inevitably, the conversation turns to it.

Debating the tuition increase

By KARA FRANCIS It's the first week of classes and I'm groveling. Phone in hand, I'm doing what I hate to do most; begging my parents for money. After three trips to the Wesleyan bookstore, I've racked up a credit card bill of $600, and I don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of the semester. Asking dear old dad for cash is painful for two reasons: a) I'm 20 years old and I'd like to think I can support myself throughout the school year and b) he's already paying thousands of dollars a year and doesn't have a whole lot to put towards his daughter's VISA bill. So next time I talk to him, I will greatly avoid the topic of the tuition increase. I have no problem paying for a quality education. There is no doubt in my mind that the schooling I receive at private, small Virginia Wesleyan is much better when compared to our Hampton Roads giant, Old Dominion. A large portion of this "comprehensive" increase; tuition, room and board, is to bring new and nationally recognized faculty to Wesleyan. Hopefully, after graduation, it will appear to employers that I have come from a strong academic background. Post-graduation could be a completely different story, however. There are no guarantees that a piece of paper stating that Kara Francis has successfully graduated from Virginia Wesleyan College will mean anything in the real world. Is it worth paying almost $20,000 with only the hopes of a better future when I could dish out $10,000 and some left over for graduate school? A better education does not always mean being more valuable in the job market. Let's face it, we're not comparing Harvard to Jersey City Community College. In Dr. Gibson's Public Administration class last semester I learned that institutional change is more accepted when those involved feel they have had a voice in that change. Students need to feel they have at least some control in what is going on around them. No one expects growth without cost. But I would more readily accept a tuition increase if I felt I had a say in it, if not in amount, at least in the allocation of that money. Keeping students informed about change, which the campus does well, is different from consulting them about it. Juniors and even sophomores have an especially hard time with the increase. I have one year left, and I am paying for the future of Wesleyan with no promise that I will reap the benefits. Like many Wesleyan students and their families, my parents and I have changed our entire lives so that I can attend Virginia Wesleyan. I'm already on scholarship, and work hard to keep it. I spent the summer at home, working two jobs. I'm also employed during the school year, and the money I made over Christmas break won't even cover books. I'd like to think I don't live extravagantly. I'm not going anywhere for Spring Break, and I often volunteer to be the DD due to lack of funds. I don't even have a car, I bum rides to Wal-Mart to pick up some toothpaste and an occasional case of Dr. Thunder when it's on sale. It's becoming harder and harder to convince Dad that VWC is worth every penny.

By JONATHAN SMITH Well, there is going to be another tuition increase. And not everyone is happy about it. Many people are complaining now about how much the school costs, and many feel that they are contributing to things that they are never going to see, such as a student center. In reality, the tuition increase is necessary in that not only will it aid in the fiscal and physical growth of Virginia Wesleyan, but it will be putting our money towards helping us as students. In fact we have been relatively lucky in the past few years in terms of tuition increases. "Two years ago was no tuition increase at all. Last year we had one of the lowest tuition's of any private college in the state of Virginia," stated Rick Hinshaw, dean of admissions and vice president of enrollment management. According to Hinshaw, when looking into the raise in tuition, the Budget Committee decided to focus on three main points of improvement: event programming for students, financial aide for more students, as well as the hiring of more faculty. All of these things would benefit Wesleyan and if we have to pay for it then so be it. The tuition increase will hopefully augment the budget of programs that currently exist, while opening the door for a variety of new programs. While no one is happy to have to pay more money, this is money that will directly affect the student body, rather than paying for a gas grill and a shower to be put in the office of a faculty member. The funding is needed to keep up with the rising costs of everything. A soda now is 60 cents. A candy bar is 65 cents. Every year the cost of everything goes up because inflation is just a simple fact of the economy. This new money is necessary for VWC to continue to provide entertaining and informative programs for its students. VWC and its community of students are constantly faced with a lack of events on campus that involve residents, commuters, staff and faculty. What you put in, is what you get out. What it means to you In fall 2000, tuition, room and board will be raised 5.5%. Scholarship rates will increase correspondingly to the percentage increase. Students planning to return to VWC in the fall must make the commitment by April 15. For financial aid assistance call the office at 455-3345.

Columnist's beef with vegetarians

By LACY HALL

There is nothing more obnoxious in this world than a vegetarian. Me, being one of them. Well, actually I am a vegetarian, and I'm not. It just depends on who you ask. You see, I eat chicken. So if you ask a real vegetarian (someone who doesn't eat anything that used to quack, moo, bark, or poop) then I'm not. But if you ask anyone who calls a 'half-pound triple with cheese', lunch, then I am. I don't really like meat all that much. It always cost a dollar extra to have it added onto a salad. And it always takes so long to cook (unless you have that George Foreman wonder grill). I absolutely hate ground beef, but it's not because I care about saving the cute and furry little animals. (I'll leave that to Snow White.) I don't eat meat because when I do, my stomach sweats. Yeah, isn't that weird? One bite of a burger and my stomach is like one of those slip-and-slides from back in the ol' days. I eat steak, and I'm carrying Sea World in my pants. Come on kids, gather 'round and see Shamu.

Meat is just too much trouble for me. But, I don't want to be called a vegetarian, so I keep eating chicken to prevent that label. You see, I hate vegetarians. I really do. And the funny thing is, everyone I know is a vegetarian. My boyfriend is a vegetarian, my best friend is a vegetarian, and most of my friends are vegetarians. And 99.9% of the time they are cool, but it's that last little fraction of a bit that bothers me. The only thing more obnoxious than a vegetarian is an angry vegetarian. And angry vegetarians sort of feed each other. They hatch under controlled circumstances like sea monkeys.

For example, take my boyfriend, he lived at the oceanfront last summer, and he dwelt and ate among the meat-eating population without any problems. If someone was making a dish that involved meat he worked around it or made himself something else without conflict. But this semester he went back to the University of Florida where he ganged up with other vegetarians . . . angry vegetarians. The next thing I know he's spitting nails because on a field trip he's taking, they are serving chili. Chili with (you guessed it) meat! I told him to pack a peanut butter and jelly sandwich like he always does. But nope, that's not good enough. He's upset because they won't have the proper equipment for him to prepare a toasted tofu sandwich. Since when does he eat toasted tofu? Since when can you toast tofu anyway? As far as I'm concerned nothing should be toasted and used in a sandwich unless it's got the words Wonder bread on it and comes in a polka dotted wrapper. And why doesn't it bother anyone that they practically use tofu for everything from fake burgers, to fake turkeys, to Jell-O molds? Could someone please invent another fake meat?

I think the thing that makes some vegetarians so angry is that they really don't want to be vegetarians. They are just doing it to be cool. I think we all know that being a vegetarian has become pretty trendy with or without the decapitated cow billboards compliments of our friends at PETA. I know that a week after my friend John, went vegetarian all of my other friends did too. Everyone except me. Even with my sweaty stomach. A lot of vegetarians think they are pretty cool. Super cool vegetarians have vegetarian dinner parties where all their vegetarian friends get together and make vegetarian meals and talk about how vegetarian they are. These are the same kids who drive past the bean burrito capital of the world, Taco Bell, and head to McDonald's to start a ruckus because this franchise specializing in hamburgers, doesn't offer meatless options. Don't get me wrong, if you are a vegetarian -- good, I'm proud of you. Stay that way. But just be a nice, pleasant, happy vegetarian. A smile s the best way to recruit new members. Remember Jesus was a vegetarian, but so was Hitler.