Kidnapped at gunpoint

July 6, 1996 is a night I will never forget for many reasons. I was in Knoxville, TN visiting my boyfriend Brandon. I never thought that this night would become so dreadful and that my life would be in any real danger. Brandon and I decided to go out to eat. We went to the "Old City." We sat and talked to a few friends who we saw, and after they left we started discussing where to go and eat. We were unaware that in less than two minutes we would be scared for our lives.

Two men approached our car and hit my boyfriend in the face with a gun and told him to get in the back seat. I had no idea what to do. They had bandannas over their faces, but I wanted to think it was a prank. Unfortunately, I saw the blood on Brandon's face and knew this was not a game. We followed their order and climbed into the back seat. The two guys got into the front seats and started driving. The taller one got behind the wheel and started the car. The other guy held the gun and demanded our money. We gave him only $40. The driver started yelling at us to lie down. Brandon was not listening but I was trying to get him to lie down. Before I knew it, Brandon jumped and started yelling for help. I still had a gun on me so I did not attempt to jump. They drove around for 20 minutes, which seemed like a lifetime. I kept thinking they were going to steal the radio! I did not want to think what they were going to do with me. I was not going to cry though. I was pleading with them to let me go, but the driver just called me names and told me to shut up. I started to get scared when they stopped the car and the driver put his bandanna over his face again. I looked at them for 30 seconds thinking I had to remember what they looked like if I survived.

My heart was racing so fast as was my mind. All of a sudden I was dragged from the car by the driver and taken at gunpoint and thrown down in some bushes. He unzipped his pants and then undid mine. He ripped off my underwear. I started screaming. He smacked me. He started raping me and the only thing I was thinking was "It will be over soon, it will be over soon." Afterwards, he turned me on my stomach and took off my shirt and bra. He tied me up and took off with my clothes in my boyfriend's car. I was alone. I started to cry, finally. I had held up the tears to avoid giving them the satisfaction, but they were gone now and the tears flowed. I went to a nearby house, and they called for an ambulance. I went to the hospital where Brandon was waiting. It took them a while to let me see him, but it was nice to finally see a familiar face.

These last three and a half years have been difficult, but I fought the whole time. Accepting it was the easy part, but fighting the reality was hard. I didn't do it alone, though. My family and my friends stuck by my side more than I could have ever imagined. I went through the federal and state court systems. My parents went with me every time. Without them, I probably would have been lost. My mother used to ask me everyday how I was doing. It sometimes bothered me, but mothers are supposed to get on their children's nerves. She would go to therapy with me when I asked her to, and she was always there for me she I wanted a good cry.

My sisters definitely did their part to help, as well. They talked to me about it the most and still do. They don't pretend that it didn't happen which a lot of people tend to do after a period of time. It is a part of my life now and when people refuse to talk about it, I feel that they do not care about me. My brothers were helpful, too, when I first happened. Little brothers are just supposed to be pains, but they went out of their way to do things for me. They were young, but they understood I was in pain. The week after it happened, I received flowers and cards from people who I barely knew. This made a big impact in my life because in difficult times people tend to show their true colors. I was impressed with the feedback that I was receiving. I never expected people to care, but I felt better knowing that they did. The littlest hello made all the difference.

I also have a teacher from high school who has done so much for me. He sends me e-mail cards all the time to make me smile. He and his wife baked cookies for me and sent me other little goodies. He has gone out of his way to make me feel good about myself. He has become more than a teacher. He's become a true friend. Even with all the things that helped, I still went to therapy. It's hard to burden your family and friends every time you feel like talking because they are trying to deal with their own pain. It's hard for them to be there for you when they are trying to deal with the same situation, but in different ways.

Therapy was a must for me, and with it I have to learn to trust guys again. I have dealt with this and moved on with my life. I have never written anything about this, but this alone is a piece of therapy. It's a big step to be able to put it into words. This is just another bump in the road that must be passed. Even though several things have helped me, there were a few things have helped me, there were a few things that did not. There was one friend of mine who could not deal with knowing what happened to me. She was one of my good friends or so I thought. I talked to her about four days after it happened. She had to hang up the phone within minutes. I have not talked to her since.

It's hard losing friends, but for something like this, it hurts. I also had a few people ask me why I did no do certain things that night. Some things they asked me why I did not do included picking up the gun when he put it beside himself when he was unzipping his pants or screaming more. The way I look at it, though, is that I survived that night. I have the rest of my life to fulfill my dreams and to leave my mark in this world.

If I would have done one thing differently, I may or may not be here today so I cannot say I would do anything different if I could back in time. He received a 55 year sentence in which he has no chance of parole. That is a big part in my healing because I got my justice. I know he was in control for an hour, but I have the rest of my life while he gets steel bars closed around him every night. The justice helps, but so does surrounding yourself with trusting and loving friends.

Abusive Relationship

I always knew that my boyfriend, who I'll call Joe, had a bad temper. But I never thought that he would ever lay a hand on me. Now I think about all the fights that we used to have, just him and me. Just me, who smokes a pack a day and has no strength anywhere in my whole body, against him, who is two times heavier and three inches taller with a lot more strength. I get chills thinking about all the things that might have happened, and then I think about what actually did happen. Joe and I broke up in September of 1999, but we still talked and occasionally had sex. If I could do it again I would have made a clean break. No more, see ay. It'd be the end.

In early October I told him that we couldn't sleep together anymore, and that I was thinking of dating someone else. He seemed okay with that which made me feel relieved because I still cared about his feelings. Halloween night, he called me and asked where I was going. I told him that I was going off-campus, but I might stop by the on-campus party where he would be. He said fine. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have gone anywhere near him in a place where there was so much alcohol present.

To start the night off, my new boyfriend and I went to one of my rooms to hang out, three vodka shots and six beers later, they all convinced me to stay on-campus and go to the party here. I was easily convinced. I saw Joe when I got to the party. We exchanged hellos, and everything seemed fine. I left to go dance and enjoy myself. Later on, I noticed that Joe kept asking my best friend to go somewhere and talk. I got a little nervous. I asked her to keep him calmed down. I didn't want him to start a fight with my new boyfriend. At one point, I decided I needed to go outside and smoke a cigarette with my best friend. As I walked outside I noticed that Joe was standing near the door. I said "Hello." He asked if he could talk to me. At first I said "no." I should have kept that decision.

Instead, I changed my answer to okay, and we walked off together. I never should have gone anywhere alone with him. As we walked away from the crowd he started asking me questions and raising his voice. "How dare you? How dare you come here knowing I would be here?" he yelled at me. At that point I was extremely drunk and was ready to finish a fight if he started one. I got up in his face. I swore at him. I explained that I lived here and that I could go to any party that I wanted to and that he wasn't even a student anymore so it shouldn't matter to him where I spent my nights. I thought he was going to hit me, so I grabbed his wrist. He turned is around on me so that both of my wrists were being crushed between his hands. I'll never forget the look that was in his eyes. He squeezed a little tighter. When I yelled at him to let go, he pushed me.

Next thing I knew, I was on the ground. That one instant changed my life. I spent the rest of the night in the emergency room, I wore a brace on my wrist for three weeks and I had him banned from campus out of fear for my safety. All the threats that I never took seriously now seemed all too real. I didn't want to take anymore chances. A lot of things happened that night that changed me forever. I have experienced overwhelming feelings of guilt, responsibility, fear, shame, and pain. I realize now that he could have called me any name he could think of. He could have just walked away. But instead he made the decision to put his hands on me. It was not my fault.

I haven't spoken to him since that night -- I never want to. I still avoid areas of town out of fear that he will see me and want to talk to me. I have nightmares about him at least twice a week. Why has one minute of my life had so many repercussions? My story of violence is very mild compared to what others have experienced. Nevertheless, it changed me. I am thankful that the Halloween incident was mild. I am also thankful to everyone who helped me that night: security, my best friend, my RA, and a member of the Residence Life staff. They all made a traumatic event a little easier to deal with. I still feel that I should have known better. If I knew then what I know now, it wouldn't have turned out this way. I just hope others can learn from my mistake. Don't use the same poor judgment I did. Don't put yourself in a situation that could leave you at risk for violence.

Professional tips

By LAURA BRAUN

Although many of us feel safe at Virginia Wesleyan College, sometimes the unthinkable happens. We hear about acts of violence all the time in the news, but the effects don't register until it actually happens to you. Vulnerability in the hands of another can be one of the worst feelings. Some simple preventative tips can go a long way.

Richard G. Safford, director of security, states, "If you are out and about after dark and you feel uncomfortable, call campus security for an escort. That is why we are here, to make everyone here at Virginia Wesleyan feel safe." Safety precautions such as not walking alone at night, walking in well lighted areas, and being aware of your surroundings are ways to help prevent unwanted confrontations. What happens if you do find yourself in an unwanted situation? Should you yell? Scream? Safford explains that each situation is different, so there are no set guidelines on what you should do. "Do whatever you need to do to survive," states Safford.

Keep mental notes about the assailant. Are they tall? Skinny? Do they wear an earring? These simple observation can be very helpful to police. Also remember to report any assault right away so that it's fresh in your memory. Officer Archie Dunkin of the Norfolk Police Department suggests carrying mace. Mace is easily purchased and can be hooked onto your key chain for quick action. Dunkin also noted that we should, "Be aware, look behind you, look around you, look to both sides of you. Always be aware of what's around you."

Preventive measures are being taken at Virginia Wesleyan. The Rape Aggression Defense (R.A.D.) Program teaches women self-defense techniques they can use against aggressors. For more information contact Teresa Barker at 455-3388. Security is also taking preventive measures against violence. Safford states that, "Security will provide a safety lecture to anyone who wants it." He also encourages reporting any suspicious person you see. Many of us find ourselves walking alone at night to our cars. Park under a light, park as close to the entrance as you can, and have you keys in your hand. Don't waste time fumbling around in your purse for them. Make a fist, put your keys in between your fingers and use them as a weapon if you need to. No matter how safe you feel, being prepared and well informed is to your advantage in case the unthinkable happens.

How to get help

Here are phone numbers of resources to obtain support and counseling if you have been a victim of physical or sexual assault.

Phoenix Sexual Assault program: 625-5570

Response Sexual Assault: 622-4300

American Safe Harbor hotline for help in abusive situations: 430-2120

INFOLINK: 1-800-FYI-CALL or 1-800-394-2255

National Domestic Violence/Abuse hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

Rape Abuse & Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE)