Take my advice...

Healthy relationships require sacrifice and dedication
by Lisa Healy

I am a hopeless romantic. Every year as Valentine’s Day gets closer, I can’t help but offer advice on love and friendship. There is nothing quite as fulfilling as solid, happy relationships. People spend countless hours and money trying to unlock the secrets to make their relationships successful.

I wish I could solve everyone’s relationship problems so that our world would be a happier place, but I can’t. The truth is, successful relationships don’t just happen. They are the product of sacrifice, hard work, dedication, communication and many other factors.

In all types of relationships, whether they be friendly or romantic, a lack of harmony is likely to occur somewhere along the way. Having the skills to navigate through the difficulties will help keep your relationships healthy.

First let’s look at sacrifice. Learning to sacrifice in a positive manner takes skill. To sacrifice means to give up something of great value. I’m not encouraging anyone to give to the point of causing oneself harm. That would be a bad sacrifice. Good sacrifices are those that, in the "big picture," don’t sacrifice one’s own integrity. It may be something simple like letting her have her own way ocassionally or allowing him to cook dinner the way his mother did instead of your own way. For those of us who are stubborn, these small sacrifices can be tough. Basically, sacrificing means that occasionally you shouldn’t put yourself first.

Staying in touch with your true feelings and letting them guide your actions can be tough. We often react before thinking through how we really feel. It’s also important to realize that spending a lot of time with the same person might not always be fun. The relationship can become mundane and stagnant. Only hard work and creativity can prevent that from happening. Sometimes allowing the other person to have independence is also hard work .

Without dedication, there probably won’t be sacrifice or hard work. True dedication is devotion beyond measure. This means that no one is keeping a record of wrongs or evaluating the hours of hard work "I" seem to be putting into the relationship. It means being so devoted to your relationship that you will go to the ends of the earth for the other person.

Lastly, there is communication. It should go without saying that a relationship can’t work if neither person talks — so talk. Talk about something everyday. Most importantly, don’t forget to listen. Listening is an art in itself that sometimes must be learned. It is essential in a relationship to be a good listener.

If you have a relationship that you are willing to sacrifice for, work hard at, and be totally dedicated to, you won’t regret it. The rewards will be great.

Please remember that sacrificing and dedication doesn’t work in unhealthy relationships. Success should always be a two way street.

Have a Happy Valentines Day!

Please send your questions or comments to ldhealy@vwc.edu or leave them in Lisa’s mailbox near the Marlin Chronicle Office.