Don't remain in a potentially harmful relationship
by Lisa Healy

I would like to write my last column of this semester on the topic of advice. Have you ever thought about why we ask our friends, family or advice columnist for advice? Everyone, at some point in their life, searches for answers. Many times decisions are too difficult to reach without help from others, and we need advice. So advice can be a good thing; a tool to use for digging up the answers we search for. However, it is just that - a tool. It isn’t always the correct answer.

No one can say absolutely what is best for you. Loved ones can only give you well-meaning suggestions to help you through your struggles.

Fifteen years ago, a very dear friend of mine was in love with a beautiful young woman. But all of her beauty could not cover up the dirty life of drugs in which she lived. She tried re-hab a couple of times. It never worked, but he still loved her. I suppose he thought he could help her. Maybe he felt that with enough love and dedication he could make her better. I remember how crazy he was about her, and I remember how good he was to her.

On November 13, 1997, 15 years and two children later, she was still on drugs. And he was being buried. He wouldn’t take the advice of his family and friends to walk away from her. He wouldn’t listen when doctors told him that he couldn’t help her if she wouldn’t help herself. He didn’t want to accept the fact that her drug abuse was ruining the lives of his children and himself, not to mention plummeting their family into endless debt. Eventually, the hole looked too deep and the mountain looked too high. He hanged himself.

Why am I telling you this story? Because it is true and it is tragic. I don’t want it to happen to anyone else that I know. Friends and family give advice out of love and concern. There are harmful behaviors; drug/alcohol abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse, that you can’t change in people. They need professional help. If they can’t or won’t change after receiving professional help, you need to move on.

My advice for you is to put yourself first. If you are in a harmful relationship, decide today to get out. That is the only option that you have. Don’t spend years of your life with someone who doesn’t deserve you.