If you ever go camping, be sure to bring along more than one bra. It doesn't even matter if you are a guy. If you bring the extra bras you will be able to sell them to the girls later. I didn't know this rule when I set out to go camping with four other interns that I work with but I know it now, and I am graciously sharing my newfound knowledge with you.

Let me set a few things straight from the beginning. I don't like the outdoors. I don't like it at all. In fact, if a giant truck paved over every inch of land across this great country, I would be ecstatic. But just because I don't like the outdoors doesn't mean that I never go outside. I sometimes go outside to check the mail. (If I can beat my grandpa to it.) And a few times this summer I even caught myself walking from my car to a tanning spa so I could get some sun on my pale skin. So what if the sun rays were artificial, ultraviolet, and coming from giant light bulbs? Kristine at the front desk told me it was safe, and I'm sure the medical community will follow her opinion soon enough.

So with my extensive experience with the outdoors, you can tell why I jumped at the idea of spending a weekend in the Pennsylvanian Mountains. I have to admit the camping thing actually wasn't that bad. The city girl inside me was trying to tell me otherwise, but I was trying to remain optimistic. I tried to enjoy the "freedom" of getting to urinate while squatting next to a giant decaying tree, thorn vines gently nestling my thighs. The delicate smell of burnt hot dogs cooked over the open fire sent my nasal passages dancing in a blissful waltz that let my spirits soar and slightly singed my nose hairs with delight.

The woods were sort of romantic in a way. (If you find dead raccoons, crappy food and outside bowel movements romantic.) But I wasn't going to let the camping get me down. The real reason I had traveled seven hours in a cramped mini-van with a fleet of interns was to go whitewater rafting. Everyone who has ever gone whitewater rafting has always told me that it was one of the best things that they ever experienced. Well obviously, those people never experienced a crazy little thing called safety! Because the last thing whitewater rafting is, is safe. Sure, I felt safe at first, when we were sitting in the raft on the sidewalk getting a quick lesson from "Mr. Rafting Is So Easy You Kids Are Going To Do It Without a Guide," but an hour later, when our raft flipped over, I felt slightly different.

I'm in an intro to geology class this semester, and I'm learning a lot about the characteristics of of rocks. But Dr. Haley never seemed to mention to me the rock characteristic that one can flip you over while you are traveling down river in a raft. When the raft first flipped over, it trapped me and two other interns underneath. When I did free myself from the raft, I started to free-float down the river, hitting every rock on the way another characteristic of rocks never mentioned to me, and a particularly violent one at that.

I continued this fun game for about a quarter-mile before I luckily slammed into a rock big enough to stop me. For those of you who would like to argue with me about the safety of this sport, please send me a letter of your complaints, care of the Marlin Chronicle, and I will gladly use it to bandage up the deep gash I now have on my right leg.

The saddest thing of the whole experience is that I wore my good leopard-print bra, which is now saturated with river water and can no longer offer me the support that I need. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the verdict is in. Camping hurts the urinary tract system, it turns good rocks bad, and it ruins a perfectly good leopard-print bra.

Dear Jurnal:

My weekend was cool. My brother goes to school in Virginia Beach at a school called Virginia Wesleyan and he says it's "all good man". I went to see him on this weekend when everyone is supposed to come home and let me meet some of his other brothers. He told me that they were Greek but they looked American to me? Anyway, he also said to watch what I said because they are fighting mad about sumthing and I did not want them to have to fight me so I shut up! I sat there on this brown old couch that smelled like Dad's breathe after he comes home from the golf course on Saturdays. It was grody.

Sumthing was wrong with everyone but I'm not sure what. There was sumthing about my brother and his brothers in this news paper they have at the school. They had it all wrong is what everyone was saying. Yeah, they had it all wrong if you ask me cuz my brother is always right. There these girls that came to their place for a party and wound up falling asleep really early and a bunch of other stuff. The paper said that what they were doing was not right. So what if all of that stuff happened and if the girls could have been hurt or anything. They shouldn't have fallen asleep is what I said and they should be more careful when they are around my brother and his brothers. Those guys are crazy. My brother said it was a personal matter among brothers and he did not want it printed. Plus, the facts were all wrong too is what they said. The guys and my brothers were ticked off. So was I.

They said that when the article was being writun, they did a refusal of comment, or sumething like that. I do not blame them. Why would they want to let people know what happened. Plus, that way, they could complain about what was said and claim it was wrong. Right? At least that's what my brother said. Then my brother and his brothers were supposed to set up some table at this soccer game but nobody wanted to except for this one guy. I like soccer too. What's why I play for a little league team. We won the Kalamazoo County championship last year and I was the goalie. We did not go to the game. We wuz protestin.

Anyway, I hung cold with those brothers for the rest of the day and into the dark. My brother is the coolest guy in the world. He let me burp and cuss and everything. Then I got spift up and went to this dance for people that were home and stuff. We had a blast and I got to stay up way past my bedtime. The next morning mom and dad picked up me and my brother to go eat breakfast but he didn't want to eat cuz he was hung under. I ate two bowls of cereal though. One for my brother and one for me. I even had two glasses of orange juse. He would have done it for me!

That was it. Mom and dad and me left after that. I was sad to leave my brother again. On the way home mom and dad were talking about that same story again. I said "the damn facts are wrong" and my mom smacked me in the fanny. Woops. They said sumthing about how they hope things are delt with fastly and will eventually get swept under a rug. It was funny because my brother and his brothers talked about that same rug. I wondered what rug they were talking about but didn't want to open my mouth again cuz mom was fighting mad. And that was what I did this weekend. I learnt a bunch of crap about chillin and hanging out and layin low. I also lernt about what to do if you don't like the facts. It was neato. I just hope my brother and his brothers find the rug that everyone keeps talking about to put this whole story under. I'm sure he will thought cuz my brother is smart and he's always right.

Teddie Baird
3rd Grade Jurnal
English-Mrs.Bettis