Current Release: April 28th, 2009 | Vol. XXX Iss. 10

The political spectrum buffet

by Patrick Shahayda

mpshahayda@vwc.edu

Ah, it s the time of the season once again. Every four years, it rolls around once again; the great unwashed masses get to vote for two candidates, based usually on 30-second sound bites, and pretend that their vote matters in the grand scheme of democracy filtered through the Electoral College. It s almost election time once again!

But unless you ve been living under a rock, in a coma, or just don t pay attention, you already know the deal: Sen. Barack Obama, Democratic candidate. Sen. John McCain, Republican candidate. Two men enter, one man leaves, blah, blah. What you may not know is that these aren t the only two candidates on the ballot.

The ballot is a like a political spectrum buffet, only instead of delectable meats and cheeses, it s mostly a selection of old rich white dudes, anti-government individualists, curmudgeonly crackpots and radicals spouting class-based revolution.

Ralph Nader, perpetual election spoiler and perpetual grump, is running on the independent ticket. He s now running in his fourth consecutive presidential election and is still committed to governmental responsibility.

For those Libertarians out there, fear not, your party has a candidate as well. Bob Barr, former congressman from Georgia, is leading the charge on all things limited government - perfect for those who like their government to slim down, as well as those who are into extra-legal herbal activities.

From here on out, the political waters muddy up a bit. First up is Chuck Baldwin, running on behalf of the Constitution Party, champion of your grandpappy s old fashioned paleoconservatism. Then there s the Green Party, perennial rabble rousers in Europe, but they ve yet to make a splash here. Cynthia McKinney of Georgia is their bet to bat.

And it gets weirder: welcome to the American political fringe. Enter America s Independent Party (not to be confused with regular old Independent running status), which claims to be the nation s third largest based on registered voters, and the only way to fix the country s problems is to elect Alan Keyes.

Like funny-sounding parties that have nothing to do with the event they re named after? Then the Boston Tea Party, which is neither based in Boston nor associated with tea, is for you. Want to return to the good ol days of speakeasies, vaudeville and gratuitous ankle-nudity (ask grandma, it used to be a big deal, kids)? Then sign up for the Prohibition Party. What if you want to violently overthrow the bourgeoisie-controlled Capitalist system in favor of a dictatorship of the proletariat? Well Comrade, get ready, as you have not one, not two, but THREE choices to advance the uprising of the great unwashed against their Capitalist pig overseers: the Party for Socialism and Liberation, the Socialist Party USA, and the Socialist Workers Party are ready to begin revolting.

The point herein then is that there is much, much, more to voting than just the Democrats and the Republicans. You can vote on principle, wedge issues, whatever you want. Don t be a little consumer clone, a sheep gobbling up what has been puked out via sound bites. Think before you vote, and if neither Obama nor McCain are your deal, there are plenty of other options on the ballot. For many of you, this is your first election; do your duty, be an educated voter, and vote on what you believe in, not what others tell you.

Or, if you re really feeling saucy and/or apathetic, write in a candidate. Literally anyone. My money is on Mayor McCheese. I mean, it s not like things could get any worse, right?