Helping others is not as easy feat

I was leaving school the other day, when I passed by a girl who had locked her keys in her car. She was standing looking into her driver's side window, obviously trying to figure out what to do next. As I walked past her, she still stood by her window. I figured she'd be okay. I figured if you could park your car in a Visitor spot for five minutes while in the Library on campus, only to find a ticket on your window when you returned, this girl would find assistance within minutes.

However, let me take this opportunity to tell whoever this girl was, I am sorry. I'm sorry for not helping her. And I'm even more sorry for not even thinking about helping you.

But before you commend me for actually feeling bad, please understand that I didn't get in my car and immediately feel bad. I didn't think about that girl for another second after I passed her until later that night. But that night changed me.

Later that night I went to dinner with a friend of mine, and it was her who changed me. Over dinner I asked her about her day, she said it was good, and then all of a sudden she shot up straight in her chair and said, "Oh, you'll never believe this." She continued to tell me how she went shopping after her classes, and as she was leaving the mall she noticed this pregnant woman struggling to get through the door. This woman was pushing a stroller with a child in it, and was having trouble holding the door open long enough to get the stroller though. My friend said, "And you know, you wouldn't believe how many people walked out of the mall through the doors on either side of her, without offering her a hand at all." I asked my friend if she helped this lady. She replied with, "Of course I helped her. What kind of question is that?" I sat back in my chair.

My friend asked me why I was surprised she helped this lady, and that was when I told her about walking right by the girl who was locked out of her car. I was now wondering if I was a bad person. I didn't even stop to ask her if she had a cell phone to call someone. I had my cell phone with me, I could have called someone for her. I definitely could have spent some time and helped her out, but I was so sure security would ride up any moment, or she'd call them, that I just kept walking. My friend said what happened with me, and what she saw at the mall, was extremely common. She said it was commonly called the "New York Effect". When I went home after dinner, I got on the Internet and looked up the "New York Effect".

What I found was disturbing, but sadly made a lot of sense. The "New York Effect" is scientifically being named the "Bystander Effect", and there have been many profiled cases, murders even, that contained this effect.

I found the following information from Wikipedia, a free on-line encyclopedia on the Internet [http://en.wikipedia.org]:

“The Bystander Effect is a phenomenon that has been noted by psychologists where individuals who see a person in need of help are less likely to assist them when someone else is present than when they are alone. It is also known as bystander apathy.

Solitary individuals will typically intervene if another person is in need of help: this is known as bystander intervention.However, researchers were surprised to find that help is less likely to be given if more people are present.

The failure of a large number of witnesses to act during the half-hour murder of Kitty Genovese in 1964 shocked the world, and was the impetus for investigation into the bystander effect. For this reason, the name Genovese syndrome or Genovese effect was used to describe the phenomenon at the time. The killing of Deletha Word in 1995 in front of a crowd who failed to intervene, as well as the James Bulger murder case, appear to have been other well-publicized cases of the effect.”

A 1968 study by Darley and Latane first demonstrated the bystander effect in the laboratory. The most common explanation is that, with others present, observers all assume that someone else is going to intervene and so they each individually refrain from doing so. People may also assume that other bystanders may be more qualified to help, such as being a doctor or police officer, and their intervention would thus be unneeded. Beneath this is a fear of "losing face" in front of the other bystanders from being superseded by a "superior" helper or even from the possibility of offering unwanted assistance. They may also assume that since the other bystanders have not yet intervened, no intervention is necessary.

One way to reduce the bystander effect is for the victim to pick a specific person in the crowd to appeal to for help rather than appealing to the larger group generally.

I was surprised to see that this wasn't some small problem, I thought it was only something as small as what I did - walk right by someone who had locked her keys in her car. I didn't know there were murders, rapes even, that happened when onlookers were present and did nothing. I was shocked. However, reading the explained reasons why bystanders do not intervene made a lot of sense. We all think someone more qualified than ourselves will help. I thought security would come any minute for that girl, and they were more qualified to help her.

But what I realized was that it isn't about if someone else can help the person better, and that is why we figure we'll be of no help. It's about taking a minute out of your day to see if the person could use your help. I'm not telling you to jump in the middle of a kidnapping next time you see one, or dive into a car that just crashed into the median on the interstate and is now on fire. But you can call the police.

I've been in this effect many times. I know I've passed maybe five or six car accidents in my life that I either witnessed happen, or looked like they happened recently when I passed. And what did I do? I thought to myself, "Damn, that sucks", as I continued to drive by, while not even thinking about calling 911.

Calling 911 in a situation like that is the least you can do. I know we all think the driver behind us will be affected more than us, and call 911, or one of the drivers in the accident has a cell phone, but we don't know that for sure. I see now I would much rather have the 911 operator tell me someone already called regarding what I was calling about, and thank me for calling, then not calling at all.

I learned it takes no longer than a minute to call 911, or help a pregnant woman through the door at the mall. In addition, it takes a matter of seconds to just ask someone if they could use some help. I know we're all busy, and we all have places to be, but let's not assume someone else will help, let's be the one to help. I may never know where that girl was headed before she found she locked herself out of her car. And I'll probably never know if she got there on time - but I would have known had I stopped and asked.